is it OK....

Is it OK to feel nervous? Is it OK to have fear? Is it OK to cry? Is it OK not want to think about it? I don't know if I want to know about the results of my tests. I went on Monday and they did an aspirated biopsy to check if the mass they found is cancerous or not. I don't know how will I take the news if I have cancer again. It has been really hard the past 2 years...coping with school, work, being away from my family, and having survived cancer twice. We'll see how it goes.

*Anxiously waiting for a phone call* (...or not)

I never thought waiting was so stressful...

Yesterday I ad my doctor's appointment. They did blood tests, asked me a lot of questions, touched my neck to check the mass another doctor found, but nothing else. The doctor can't really determine what it is so he referred me back to the ENT who performed my surgery. We'll see how it goes. Appointment is next week. In the meantime, I wait....hopeful that is nothing to be worried about but frightened at the same time.

fear of the unknown

After being diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I started thinking about and taking better care of my health as well as eating healthier. The second time I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I guess I've gone overboard in doctor visits as well as calling the doctor's office whenever I noticed something out of the ordinary.

Last week I went to the doctor. My allergies have been driving my crazy and I've been having really bad headaches. Also, I've been feeling a really bad sensation on the left side of my jaw when I eat. It feels as if I was eating something really sour. Anyways, the point is that I've been kind of worried and I went to the doctor to get myself checked. While at the doctor's appointment, which lasted about an hour and half, one hour longer than what I'm usually there, my doctor noticed a lump on my neck. She also had me feel it. It was horrible. I've never been able to feel any of the lumps in the past, and this one time was something that I would never like to go through again. I figured she was going to call my endocriologist. Two days later I receive a phone call from my endocrinologist asking me to go in.

So I am freaking out. Fear of the unknown...who hasn't felt that before. That's what I feel now, though I have no clue if its cancer again or not. I wish it isn't.....I hope it isn't.